In A Long Time

I am totally heartbroken.

I spent xmas alone. and crying.

I spent New Years alone. and crying.

Every once in a while, crying, I get angry. Like, why.

And then I hear a talk show host in my head, giving the strong talk.

you know. be strong. x x x could be so much worse. you don't have it that bad.

and --

who wants to hear your whining. in fact there is a voice of someone in particular i hear

someone I know -- isn't that sad -- sneering at me.

I didn't feel like anyone cared.

And if they did care, I didn't feel they could be comforting.

Until I texted D yesterday. She was kind.

And I talked to S. today who let me cry on the phone with her and told me phenomenal things.

And then Ch. called me. And said she knew what I meant. That she was back in town and to call whenever.

I needed some comforting today.

Like a mom might, if you have a mom like that.

I don't have a mom anymore and I am very sad about that.

I miss.

I miss very much.