Dykephiles: L Word Spoilers, Season 2: Episode 2

Okay, I know it has been a while. And surprisingly, as a search term, this little spoiler has gotten me hits from as far away as die Nederland. Well, well, well. So ladies and gentlewomen, here it is, too long on hiatus after Oscars, my Queens soujourns. Thanks to Sammy's Showtime on Demand, ah, extreme tv and neighbor's keys. Thanks, Sammy!

Note: there is no fucking this episode.

So, this episode Tina goes to this hardass civil rights lesbian attorney who convinces her that she needs her "autonomy," a word that keeps coming up dring the course of the episode. Tina gave up everything, is left with nothing, no job, her name isn't even on the utilities, and she "offered her womb to give birth" to their child. While Bette is talking abusively to her little assistant boy who she has looking for apartments for Tina, the attorney contacts Bette, through her job (didn't get that part, can anyone explain why that man knew? and who was he?) and asks for bank statements, house appraisal, etc. Bette is all shocked and upset and storms over the Alice's apt looking for Tina, where Alice lets it slip that the lawyer was her idea. Bette chews her out for it, and Alice says, "You can be cruel, Bette. I should know." Apparently they dated for six weeks once, and Bette dumped her. Bette sees the friends together later having dinner, (where we learn that Bette is Tina's first and only -- the first is never the last we always used to say) and leaves looking all crushed cuz now she is a "pariah." At the end, she is sitting on the steps with Shane and Jenny, and says she should learn about having sex without emotion from Shane.

Shane tracks down the hotass Carmen she dissed in the last episode (she asked Camenr's mother where she was. Wha?) Carmen is PAing on some set for a music video sung by androgynous dark haired triplets. They talk behind a wall, and Shane says, "Sorry about the other night, I was an asshole." (Hmm...how many times have I wished for someone to say that to me? Defensive ass. I digress.) S: "We can still fuck." C: "You wanna fuck me?" So they start making out and then Carmen has to go work and they try to make arrangements, Carmen has to see her grandma, Shane's gonna get Tina a lapdance, nothing pans out for plans. Carmen leaves. Sigh. Bye hotass Carmen.

Jenny is in a writing class with Sarah whatshername, Madonna's ex best bi friend, who is all exacting and mean. We get to hear more of Jenny's tired writing. Jenny goes to Robin's friends house for a gathering and she walks into classic lesbian Stepford land complete with a Chinese baby who is the center of attention (hate that) and an interracial couple who are pregnant. They grill them on when they are getting married (Robin's last wife fucked someone else in the church on their wedding day) and when they are gonna get pregnant. Jenny freaks out and breaks up with Robin. (Thank God, does this mean we never have to see tired ass Robin again?).

Kit tracks down Ivan at his cabin in the woods and asks him to give her money so she can buy the Planet from Marina's "father." Ivan is really cold, but at the last minute comes through with money as Kit's silent partner. There is a really weird scene in the Planet at the end where the Count with 8 names sweeps in to close the deal and rails Bette for judging Marina so harshly, "you conservative American." Bette sheepishly apologizes.They ask how his daughter is doing, and he says, "My daughter? Marina is my wife. We have been marrried for 11 years." Those Europeans! So freaky!

Okay, I hate Tanya, Dana's asshole of a fiancee, but the best scene in the entire show is the moment when she and Dana ask Dana's resistant parents for the blessing for their wedding. Tanya gives this great speech about following your heart, and the message is, if you really love someone, you want them to be happy and to do what is right in their heart. It was great. I also very much appreciated Tanya's panzita (little belly) that was prominent throughout the show. Having a panzita myself, I felt panzita confidence.

Of course, there are all these teeth gritting moments when Alice and Dana allllllmost kiss. They are still really into each other. Will they ruin this example of gay marriage so poignantly argued by Tanya in a surprisingly non asshole moment? Is Tanya just a two faced controlling bitch after Dana's money?

The last big scene is when Shane, Dana, Tanya, Alice and Tina go to a strip club to get Tina lap dance to get her mind off of Bette. I won't comment on the strip club scene (whatever), but Tina gets a dance from a woman who looks like Bette. A dancer asks Shane if she is a player and Shane says, "yeah." Tina goes home and masturbates to weird "t" sounds but starts crying instead of coming. It was interesting pregnant woman sexuality that reminded me of this party I was at last weekend with really sexy pregnant women dancing...but I digress.

Umm, that's it for now. Other random moments: in the review of last week, there was a scene I didn't remember where shit, what is her name? Bette's fuck? Ah-- Candace! --is taking a picture of the both of them while Bette is asleep. That is sure to come back and bite her in the ass later. Also, there was lots of wandering around trying to find coffee now the Planet is gone. In addition, there was lots of great cinematography this time, most notably a camera that spun like a lazy susan from character to character while they were talking in the restaurant. Also, the writing was much better.

Shit, I almost forgot, at the end when Bette, Shane and Jenny are sitting on Bette's steps having a beer, Shane being the only friend who has reached out to Bette, Jenny mentions she is looking for a roommate, and Shane says, "We should talk." SO I guess they are moving in together. Jenny has finally lost those terrible tights, but now she is wearing shorts with heels. Not much of an improvement in my book.

Two questions, does anyone but me really think Shane is the hottest? And, who is exgirl, who is doing all the music these days?

Until next time, this is Dykephiles, signing off.