Okay more fabulous things the kids have said to me lately:
I'm walking around the room helping people with their short stories. Tongue Ring Girl grabs my arm as I walk by.
Ms S: Yes?
TRG: MISS! (shouting, her only volume) WHERE IS YOUR UTERUS?
Hmm... I think. My uterus? Or one's uterus? As I ponder this, TRG gapes her blue eyes at me and ticks the metal rod against her upper teeth in a nerve-grating fashion.
Great. Once again I am having a moment. I try to remember my Doctor Spock, my Adolescent Psychology and my Sex Ed class from high school. I draw a blank. Thankfully, I am saved by her friend, Joan (so named for her resemblance to and shared last name of a 70's folk singer ) who touches TRG's arm and successfully externally palpates her own womb.
Joan: Here, here, dummy!
TRG: Your stomach?
Ms S & Joan: No!
TRG: Donde crecen los bebes? (where babies grow)
Joan: Yeah! (reaches over and palpates TRG under ber belly button, which sends them both into a fit of giggles.)
Ms S: Yeah, there. Right there. (exit stage left)
**
In my class there is a student who speaks softly and has a softer afro which he compulsively grooms with one of those 70s Power Fist Picks. He is one of those boys who hasn't grown yet, so he still looks like a little kid. I will call him Gentle Afro Man. Once upon a time, Gentle Afro Man had a speech impediment, but now it is gone, and all that is left is a tender volume and the ability to whisper insults up to fifty feet away, much to the chagrin of the other students, whose loud responses to his whisper torture get them in trouble and leave him unscathed.
Gentle Afro Man often comes to me with rhetorical Current Events commentary like: "Miss. Why did Michael Jackson come to court late and with his pajamas on? Why did he do that?" Or,
"But everyone hates the President. How did he get reelected?" Or,
"Where is Osama Bin Laden? Aren't they looking for him?"
I also have a tender spot in my heart for him because he often calls me "Mommy" instead of "Miss."
The other day, I suppose Gentle Afro Man couldn't take it anymore and he came up to me.
GAM: Ma- I mean Miss.
Ms. S: Yes?
GAM: Miss, I really think you should change your hairstyle.
Ms S: Really?
GAM: Yeah.
Ms S:...
GAM:...
Ms S: So are you saying you don't think my hair looks good like this? (a lopsided slightly frizzy slightly curly flopped over fro)
GAM: (shakes his head) Nah, Miss. You should change it.
Ms S: Thanks for your concern.
GAM: You're welcome. (softly walks away)
Actually, Gentle Afro Man is not the only one who has offered to help me with my hair. The other day, El Payaso offered me his pick after I told him to put it away, and his buddy offered to hook me up with his aunt who runs a beauty salon. I was tempted. For a moment. The boy who is glad I am not white, said that I should blow it out.
Ms S: I wish you guys would be as concerned about literacy.
The Guys: ...
Ms S: ...
The Guys:...
Ms S: ... (exit stage left)
1 comment:
You know, I hadn't even thought of that. I wonder why... I sort of suspect that the girls would rather keep my hair for their own entertainment. I am going to ask them tomorrow! Test prep be damned!
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